You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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