I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
