Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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