at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
