he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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