we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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