why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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