i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
