Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
