Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
