that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
