escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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