Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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