your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
