I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
