I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
