I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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