even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize