There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You left your phone here
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