Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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