i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
