you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
