I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
