I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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