i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize