dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
