It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
