Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
