I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
