I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
