i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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