2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
