"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize