I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize