i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
