Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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