Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
