can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
