This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
