He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
