So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
