new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have started to decorate penises.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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