but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
