So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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