The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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