I love black thongs
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
