You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
