And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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