I think I won the penis lottery.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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