i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
