We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
