What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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