ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
