Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
