i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
