so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
