There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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