I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
