evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
