let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you inspire me to be a worse person
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
