At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
