Don't you send me to vm
i would punch a child for taco bell
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
