Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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