I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
