I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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