Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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