porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
