well you can't waste a boner
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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