just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
