they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
