so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
