you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
