I'm lost and stupid without you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize