All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
