I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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