i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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