So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
