so that wasnt chicken after all
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
