Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
