Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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