i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the day after is always just damage control
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize