Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
