her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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