How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Randomize
