I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
