I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
