How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
