Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
