So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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