Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
