all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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