we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
