The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
