Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
