apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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